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| Twice today I was startled while I was alone changing the hamster cages. The peculiar thing was that I was startled because I feared my private thoughts had been overheard. Frequently I monologue in my own thoughts so upon being startled I fear that I have actually been speaking aloud like a lunatic. It's a very strange feeling, I must admit. But its rather humorous. It is as if for a minute I am so stunned that I forget people are not telepathic. Nothing frightens me more. On a related note I frequently feel like I have a very insightful and interesting thought but alas I am doomed to forget it because I get easily distracted by things happening in the "real world." And then it occured to me, aha! what if there were a wonderful machine that would log all the thoughts that I ever have, what a wonderful device. I was immediately ashamed at the idea though because it would kill me to have a record of every idiotic, inane, disgusting, foul, mean, or otherwise wretched thought I've had in even one day let alone a whole lifetime of such things. It would take years to glean even a single piece of true insight out of the endless muck.
I realized today that the Kierkegaard anthology I borrowed from the library is overdue. I am sad that I haven't had some more time with it, with any luck I will be able to renew it and finish it. Here are a few of the gems that I've pulled from it so far.
"To stand on one leg and prove God's existence is a very different thing from dropping to one's knees and thanking Him."
"To defend something is always to discredit it"
This one is very interesting and important because it reminds me that despite all the contemporary bickering about God's existence in the face of neo-atheism, such talk is nothing new and Kierkegaard saw the foolishness of arguing. It keeps me from getting too entrenched in such bickering. I once met the president of IU. What a fool I would have looked if I stood in front of him and tried to prove his existence.
"I have just come from a party where I was its life and soul; witticisms streamed from my lips, everyone laughed and admired me, but I went away- yes, the dash should be as long as the radius of the Earth's orbit--------------- and wanted to shoot myself."
"Job endured everything - until his friends came to comfort him, then he grew impatient."
Kierkegaard wasn't real big on friends... but I think some of his points make sense. In fact, both of these quotes parallel real situations from my life. What I think Søren could have used were some real friends. My true friends never cause me anguish or anger. Those in sheep's clothes however...
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| Last night was very enlightening. That much is certain. I learned two things. 1.) alcohol can even loosen the tongue of a sober person who assumes the inebriate cannot discern his meaning. 2.) I am a keen judge of character and I know who my friends are - so don't try to fool me. I discovered these two facts when a "friend" said a very honest thing to me last night. After a wonderful night of bowling, drinks and guitar hero I had to hear this offhanded uncalled for attack. I've said that in some ways I would cherish a cutting but honest remark if it revealed to me the speaker's earnest concern for me. This was not one of those statements. Rather this betrayed the speaker's complete lack of tact and more disturbingly - an ignorance of me. It is more than just a little annoying to deal with someone childish who presumes to know enough to look down on me in judgment. It makes me sad because just the other day Joe was telling me how he is offended by would-be arbiters. Joe, my friend, is at home. I am here. Here with people who will judge me and cut me down. It's all right. Each day I tell myself that I am big enough to keep close the things that this person would not want me to say. What better way to spite him than to prove I'm a better friend?
I will likely post later with more concrete thoughts about what I learned today in labs about baboons. I sure do love baboons!
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| Reading DeLillo's book White Noise is like stepping into a Thursday song. If Geoff Rickly hasn't read this book I would be shocked and appalled. It's filled with waves and radiation and amnesics and noxious chemicals and the media and television. Its a very interesting book, it has almost no real plot to begin with and revolves around the characters of Jack Gladney and his family. The book eerily predicts the problems of living in a society bombarded with constant information, endless advertisements, infinite shops and goods - white noise. I will be assessing it very carefully since I am reading it for book club so I want to be able to discuss things properly. I find it funny that the friend who originally recommended this book to me is essentially the most cheerful person on the exterior and this book is rather dark. hmmm, nothing is as it appears.
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| I have been very very busy the last few days. I really needed a weekend and some R&R and lucky for me I got exactly that. On Friday I saw Speed Racer and Iron Man at the drive-in. I must say that both of those movies were spectacular, but for very different reasons. Speed Racer was a complete surprise and just a really fun film. It's main draw though was Matthew Fox as Racer X.
SPOILER ALERT
Lost fans will appreciate the following quote.
Racer X(aka Jack): You can't drive. you can't stand.
Japanese Racer: Don't tell me what I can't do!!!!!!
I was laughing my head off at that. Even the high school girls smoking weed in the next car thought I was trippin balls. Iron Man followed and was awesome simply because it featured a man racing jets and sniping ten terrorists at the exact same moment. Need I say more?
Today I went to the Reds/Braves game with the roomies (sans Todd who is in San Diego) and had a blast there as well. The drive back was beautiful. I love that area, the hills and trees are astounding and it was warm and sunny. I even got my first sunburn of the season. What a wonder.
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| Happy Mother's Day to all those lucky ladies out there who know what it's like to bear children. I don't. And won't. so props to you. Today was very relaxing though. I got to spend some quality time with my mom and on top of that I helped my dad put together a new grill.
I am pretty sure there was a lot more I was thinking about but I'm barely keeping my eyes open so I guess I will save it. Lammmmmmmeeeeeee.
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